Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
