somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
