My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
