i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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