he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
