What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Need sex. Gaining weight.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
