Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
