we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
