fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
