so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
