At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
