I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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