Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
