I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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