My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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