my mouth tastes like poor choices
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
