And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
