Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I need moral support for this bender
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
