her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do vagina's smell?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
