ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The air was thick with penises
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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