I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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