At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
