Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
