do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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