I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
