I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
