How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
