A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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