Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
