being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
