i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
