New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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