we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
