areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
