i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
