the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
