I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
