wakey wakey hands off snakey
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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