Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
