If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
