Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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