i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
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