Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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