I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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