sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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