You don't have asthma, your pregnant
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
