I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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