my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
