i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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