Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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