I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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