don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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