new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
