Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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