Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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