Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Come share oat with me in your robe
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
