I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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