Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
