thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
