Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
