Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
