dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
