i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
