some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
