My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
