I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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