She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
