i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
