I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
