You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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