we have pet lesbian snakes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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