just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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