therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize