Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
as a side note pls kill me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
