So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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