mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
This is classic penis vs brain.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You ruined the universe
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
