He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I supernannyed him into submission
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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