I have demons in me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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